Be the Best at Being You

Here is a story of the girl I might have been vs the girl I have become.

There is no impediment to what we can achieve in the world, except the law of physics. David Deutsch a British physicist from Oxford said this and it got me thinking about my own life. As all the graduates go out into the world with a resume of their strengths, should we also be looking at our limitations as a secret weapon? According to Mr. Deutch, everything except the law of physics is a stepping stone to what we can achieve. If there is nothing to stop us but the laws of physics, then maybe our detours and disasters are the “it” factor, the invisible propeller that makes us fly. If our limitations might be our secret weapons then why are we always doubting ourselves? Why are we always thinking if my life looks perfect, I will be perfectly happy.

Have you ever had something about yourself that you didn’t like? Maybe it's your height, intelligence, bank account, job or how about your romantic life? Have you ever sat at a table and felt like everyone else had it all together and wondered why the world was a bit unfair to you? What if when you were sitting at the table instead of thinking life is unfair because of your perceived deficits you saw yourself and your limitations as the thing that made you weirdly special. Something different that no one else can be, in fact, what if these things you are loathing are the things that will one day set you apart. The thing that makes your life better than it would have been had it all come together in the story book picket fence way. Maybe who you would have become with the perfect resume, inside of the beautiful house, perfectly decorated with the hedge and picket fence wasn’t the best version of yourself.  All houses, no life, so to speak.

When my son was six I was faced with being a single mom. My ex-husband had brain cancer which caused cognitive issues that made it difficult for him to connect and feel connected to us.  So my life looked different. It had limitations in many ways. Financial limitations, time limitations, and that was just the start. The world is a bit trickier to navigate as a woman on her own with a toddler. There are the social constructs the world has set up for couples, there are issues with making sense of time when you are a working mom without a spouse and then there is the enormous pressure to get things right because the decisions you make for your child and for your life are yours to make alone. Add on top of it the financial pressures which are enormous. When things go wrong the burden seems thicker and deeper. It can be lonely, frightening and exhausting.  

I guess this is one way to view my life.  And while all of it is true, let me explain what really happened because of it and how through the years because of my limitations my life became more than I could have imagined.

I embraced my unusual life and looked at it as something that made me special. I became the best at being me and understood if I was weirdly myself and embraced my life that I was given then maybe I could try to create something even more special. To start, I did things I would not have been forced to do had it all gone perfectly. I’ve often wondered who I would be today if everything went perfectly according to plan when I was in my twenties. I won’t ever know but I have a good idea and I thank God for the life he has allowed me to create. I also know without a doubt that the very things that scared me the most have yielded the things in my life that I am most proud of and have brought me incredible joy.

Today my son is 18 and I realize my relationship with him and the man he has become is beyond anything I could have ever dreamed of- I am most proud of this bond and who he is as a human being. I am proud that he understands that everyone in life has something that is challenging. Who he is as a young man makes me feel beyond lucky in life. My KOCH community and the notes above my desk at the KOCH House that people have written to me make me proud of the young women who we have the privilege of talking to and co-creating with. My friendships and the mortar that has allowed me to be strong.  I got to build a group of women around me who are amazing because of their own gifts and achievements. And most of all I understand the power of family and true love that is beyond what I could ever have imagined. What a family looks like on the outside, in the instagram photo is meaningless, it is the love you feel from it in real time. Most of all I learned the story of a life is much bigger than we might think and you have to have faith and the ability to live in the moment and recognize your good fortune even when it is disguised as something else. You can waste your whole life looking for perfection. You will be chasing it for the rest of your life and end up empty handed. You never want to get to the end and have regrets of who you could have or might have been because you were trying to be something other than yourself. So be the best at being you!

We have a great big graduation live giveaway is coming up on Sunday. We will be live on Instagram at 6 PM CST. I can’t wait so send in your questions and get ready for lots of fun and gifts to celebrate your accomplishments!

Our Italian Summer Capsule just released online. I can’t wait to wear the Alexis Dress in Navy Island Palm to a dinner on the patio. We have new Cece Tops and Erica Skirts in Dolce Vita Blue and Positano Pink! And my favorite is the Garden Palm Haley Dress.

STAY TUNED for new swimsuits!!!!!

We have a 33.9 sneaker release coming so stay tuned for new colors. We also got a new shipment of originals so check it out online.